Being Pregnant and Thoughts on Delivery

I decided to take a little bit of a break from the flashback posts. Some are fun but some I've decided to just save for my journal! No sense looking back now.. Only forward right?

So, what everyone's asking... How I'm FEELING.

I'm feeling good. ALWAYS tired, and almost always nauseous. I haven't thrown up... Sometimes I wish I would, but I'm told that doesn't relieve any nausea, so I guess I'll take what I've got. Let me stress how tired I am... So tired I'm not going to proof-read this post. So please excuse any typos.

I have crazy cravings already. Cravings for Ramen, Mac and Cheese (we're happy the baby is a cheap eater) then brownies, carrots, peaches and jalapeno poppers. Not all at the same time.. But many of them, yes. Did I mention I have the best husband? He makes me/ goes to get me whatever I want. He even brings me grapes in the morning when I'm too nauseous to get up! Ok, I'll stop bragging about him now (by the way today is his birthday!).

So lately... I've been more obsessed than ever with watching baby shows. It's all I have set on my DVR. I know my poor husband is sad it's taking up sports time, but it's quite entertaining for me.

I must admit, they are NOT as fun to watch now that I'm pregnant. I mean, they kind of are, cause they've always been intriguing to me, but it's not as fun thinking about getting this baby out one day... When it's like 10,000Xs bigger.

As far as progress, I found a doctor I LOVE and a hospital I want to deliver at. I checked out a couple of hospitals and a birth center. I chose the hospital I did because of all of the reviews I've read, because I liked the feel of it, because of my doctor and some friends.

I also have a close friend who recently had a baby at another hospital I was considering and she was not impressed at all.

As far as the birth center... I'd have to come out of pocket a lot for it. I wasn't totally sold on it from the beginning, and from the start I thought I'd feel more comfortable in a hospital, so the money was an additional minus for me. Maybe next time... But this time I'm excited to have an OB I love... At a hospital I liked and possibly hire a doula to help along the way.

My OB was referred to me by my family doctor who I love. He gave me her name and one other. I did research on them as well as a few others I was considering, and a couple of midwife groups and I ended up choosing an OB I thought would be perfect for me. When I went to her practice for the first time I felt at home. She and her staff made no only me, but my husband feel comfortable, and she took the time to talk to us, and joke with us... I can't stress enough how much I love her and how excited I am to have her.

I later found out she delivered the baby of a friend I work with... She wasn't her OB but was the on call doctor the day she delivered and my friend told me she liked her more than her own doctor!

One thing that DEFINITELY tells me I'm pregnant is the CONSTANT outpouring of advice!! To my TTC friends here's a fact.. And to my preggo friends and moms... You know this is the truth... People LOVE to tell pregnant people advice. Whether it's some secret remedy for morning sickness, what books to read, how to deliver your baby, what to wear, EVERYONE has something to say.

Luckily for me, I don't mind. I like advice, the more the merrier... But I remember to take it all with a grain of salt, and so far... It's not getting annoying.

I was tweeting about watching a Baby Story which of course took us to the topic of labor. I don't know what it is but it seems like most of my followers are natural birthers/ home birthers etc. I think that's awesome because I get to hear from a side you don't often get to hear from, but the constant pounding about natural labor is making me nervous.

I'm TOTALLY open to things like birthing balls, hypnobirthing, and trying things the natural way but I am NOT against getting an epidural either. I don't see anything wrong with either.

I've had so many friends go into labor with an idea of how they'd do it but things changed. I know people who wanted an epidural right away but were too far along to get one, then ended up doing it naturally. I've known people who wanted no medication, and to try hypnobirthing and dancing through labor but ended up needing an emergency c-section while unconscious.

To be honest I'm not one to stress over how I'm getting my baby out. I just want to get it out when the time is right, and safely. I don't think an epidural is going to hurt my baby any more than delivering it at home unassisted... And I don't care which way others decide to go. I just know that I want to do what's comfortable and right for me. I actually don't get all of the hype/ obsession over Hospitals= Evil or Home births= Reckless.

Since when did people care so much about what other people do? As long as you're not pushing me into one or the other I'm not going to tell you my opinion on your birthing decisions. One solution isn't going to work for everyone. We all have different conditions and different things that make us feel more comfortable.

I feel so bad when women tell me they regret getting an epidural, or regret not going natural the whole way. I don't know why that is exactly but I hope I don't have regrets. My friend who ended up being put out for labor after dreams of a natural birth... Does she have regrets? No! She's happy to have her healthy little girl.

I think it's safe to say I've done my fair share of research. And I'll continue to do it as I go along. But don't hate me if I get drugs ok? We've all gotta do what works for us, and I'd hate to have my good moment ruined my people telling me I drugged my baby.

I hope if I don't put that pressure on myself to have a "perfect labor" I'll just be happy to have my baby in my arms once and for all... Regardless of how it gets its big self out of my womb. Sure, I won't go in begging for an epidural... (Or maybe I will). Either way, I just need to get from point A to point B. (A being enormously pregnant and B being a mom with a healthy new baby in my arms.)

Isn't that what's most important?

That being said, I LOVE reading labor stories! I hear all of the stuff on A Baby Story is overly dramatic... If that's the case, show me what you've got! Write a post about your labor story, or link up to one you've already posted! I've read some crazy ones already... From emergency operations to delivering at home on the stairs! Bring it!

PS: YES... I've seen "The Business of Being Born" I think I'll get that question as much as the question I got when TTC "Have you read 'Taking Charge of Your Fertility'?"

Telling Our Families

There's no question telling people has been one of the most exciting parts of this whole process right now. Especially family, because they're so happy for us... And close friends... And you of course! I wrote down the experience of telling our families the day after we broke the news so I'd remember.

5 Weeks 3 Days written October 26th and saved for today.

We told our parents last night. I'm SOOOO much more excited now, it feels real, and I'm feeling more confidant about it all! I do worry a little still about having to share bad news. Believe it or not I feel like it would be easier to share with you than with family just because I know so many strangers out there know what it feels like... And I wouldn't feel like I was letting you down. I worry about letting family down. It seems easier to express my feeling with people I don't know sometimes.

Anyway, I'm sending those negative thoughts away and bringing positive ones in!

It was so fun hearing the excitement in our parents' voices! In no particular order of reenactment:

I called my mom and was passed around to a few of my siblings before talking to her, then when she took the phone I said "Hi grandma!"

"Grandma?"She said. "Why are you calling me that?"
"Cause I'm 5 weeks pregnant!"
"5 weeks?! Why are you just now telling me?"

I'm glad we didn't wait until Christmas... I wouldn't have been able to do it... I'm not secretive, I'm not private, I want to talk about it and get excited!

My dad kept saying "Wow, that's all right, that's all right..." But picture that in a happy grandpa-sounding tone. And he told me how proud he is of me, and how happy he is to see how things have turned out for me. It made me feel so good!

It was so fun telling my husband's parents. We knew Sunday night the family would be spending the night together watching their current favorite television series. It's a tradition started a few years ago when 24 first came out. I'm not sure what they're watching now, and I knew we'd be interrupting but I also knew it would be worth it.

My husband thought of a clever way to tell his mom while she was on the phone and she yelled the news back to the rest of the family... I heard the applause.

A few key phrases stick out from that conversation:
"It's about time"

"She's in labor RIGHT NOW!"

"Your prize is going to be one spoiled grandchild"... Followed by a loud response from my SIL "NOOO!"

And one of my favorites: "She's probably updating her blog as we speak."

Yea, you'd think so, but look how long I kept this in! I told family first... And I'm proud of myself for that.

How did you tell your family?

I Did Something for My Baby

Did you miss my pregnancy announcement? I'm now going back to the drafts I saved from before I told you.

5 Days past BFP Written 10/20 but saved for today

In order to make things feel more "real" I bought something for the little Spawn. Oh yea, did I mention that's its nickname? I know people have cute names like "sweet pea" "blueberry" I dunno... There's a lot. But one of the first things that came to mind after finding out I was pregnant was "I'm with-spawn."

I know it's kind of alienish, but it's also different, and my little nudge is gonna be different... In a good way of course!

So far I'm the only person who likes it but whatever... I can call it what I want and for now, it's Spawnie! And I think it's cute.

Ok anyway, I went to Babies R' Us today to buy something for my best friend, who is having her baby shower soon, and I bought the CUTEST stuff for her little boy. I also really wanted to buy something for my baby to make this pregnancy feel more real.

I browsed the onesies and couldn't find anything gender-neutral and cute enough. Just when I was giving up (because my impatient husband was ready to go) I saw the cutest thing that I KNOW my baby will look cute in. Boy or girl!A cute little hat with ears and booties to match. I know Spawnie is due in June 25th but the hat is for 0-6 months, and they can wear hats in the summertime right? If not, by 6 months it'll be perfect for winter! And to be TOTALLY honest... This is the FIRST thing I've EVER bought for my baby! Yep... I promised myself I wouldn't buy anything for a baby I wasn't pregnant with first. But now... I can shop 'till my heart's content (or until I give my husband a heart attack)!

I think I've found a way to cure my fears about something bad happening during pregnancy... Shopping!!

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Blog makeover winner according to Random.org: Winner #40 ~Mendie~ . Please email babymakingmachine{at}gmail.com so I can get you in touch with Danielle!

Thoughts from 2 days past BFPs

Did you miss my pregnancy announcement? I'm now going back to the drafts I saved from before I told you.

Written October 17th but saved for today.

About a week ago... Several days before I knew I was pregnant (I was thinking I wasn't) I wrote this in my journal:

"I believe there a reason for everything, but I'm still quite confused about one thing.

When I was on birth control I wanted to wait until I was emotionally, physically, and for the most part, financially ready to have a child. I was almost fearing it would happen right away because I was a little unsure if I felt completely READY. In the mean time though I felt a good feeling deep within that this was the right thing for me to do right now. I felt good about it, felt that even if I wasn't 100% sure I was ready, everything would fall into place.

In the mean time, through all of my preparations I fell in love with the idea of having a child... And I felt at peace... Even a prompting to move forward.

So now my question is, 'If not now, when?' and if then... Why start trying now? Why did I get the feeling that the time was now if it's not now?

I wish I just knew when I was really suppose to become a mom so I could save myself some grief. ... Or maybe my grief is all a part of the plan, I don't know."

A couple of weeks later, and two days after my BFP I'm thinking "Wow." That's one word to describe the million and one emotions running through my body.

It's all a part of the plan right? I wouldn't have tried to raised $1000 for a charity had I not been so upset after the first month, maybe that was part of it? I'm sure it's 1. To show me I'm not in control, and 2. Maybe to help someone else in the process?

I don't know all of the answers, and I'm afraid to guess because who knows what's around the NEXT corner.

... And Then I Cried

I told you I kept a journal from the day I got my BFP, here's a scary experience I wrote about the day after my good news.

Written 10/17 but saved for today

Last night, after finding out I was pregnant I went to the bathroom (Again! I was going a lot that day). When I examined the toilet paper I noticed some brown spotting. 'Implantation bleeding' I thought to myself. I asked one of my friends on Twitter about it and she said that could be it... Or it could be my body "trying to start."

Shoot. I was still a day away from my period starting. What if my body was going to reject this forming baby?

And with that... I lost it.

I tried to hide my fears and sadness but I couldn't. I'm not a good actor, and the love of my life can always tell when I'm upset.

Tears kept streaming down my face, and the conversations that took place after that moment made me realize this was something we both wanted more than we knew.

That night I made a promise to God.